hopecutshort: hey miguel
gargoylegrin: Hey babe, what's up! :D
hopecutshort: ^_^ nothing much...
gargoylegrin: So, what you up to today?
hopecutshort: babysitting carley 2night
gargoylegrin: nice, you guys are friends again! :) I am sitting here in my fortress expecting to be ambushed. :P
hopecutshort: lol....yeah carley's still mad tho
gargoylegrin: yeah? what did you guys actually row about? if ya don't mind me asking.
hopecutshort: she was really upset that i quit my dancing job
gargoylegrin: Oh yeah...because you taught a bit right?
gargoylegrin: You find something else?
gargoylegrin: I am so lazy!!!!
gargoylegrin: I have NO JOB!
hopecutshort: yea i was offered a job shortly after i qut teaching
hopecutshort: but you have money so its all good
gargoylegrin:: I do have money! :P
hopecutshort: or at least to get by
gargoylegrin:: I am a sports star and model. :PPPP
hopecutshort: miguel...i think about moving out of enrique's and zeos
gargoylegrin:: seriously? :(
gargoylegrin:: problems? dare I ask...:(
gargoylegrin:: tell me to get lost if it's not my business.
hopecutshort: i just...dont do well with others for that long. i just..want to be alone again.
hopecutshort: and i might.....
hopecutshort: break up with zeo too
gargoylegrin: why? he really loves you.
hopecutshort: i know
hopecutshort: or at least i think so
gargoylegrin: he's been really serious.
gargoylegrin:: you having a change of heart?
hopecutshort: do i have one?
gargoylegrin: sure you do. you wouldn't even be having a dilemma if you didn't.
gargoylegrin: come on, you know it to be true.
hopecutshort: it doesnt help at all
hopecutshort: i just dont know what to anymore
gargoylegrin:: have you talked to zeo?
gargoylegrin: i mean, the path of true love ne'er did run smooth, right? I think that's shakespeare. ;)
hopecutshort: no we're never around each other anymore
hopecutshort: i dont know
hopecutshort: i think its best for him even if he doesnt realize it
gargoylegrin:: well, you can't just walk away without him noticing, you know?
hopecutshort: how long until he figures out how fucked up his girlfriend really is?
gargoylegrin: you're no more fucked up than the rest of us.
hopecutshort: he's like...perfect
gargoylegrin: ok, i think i am relatively un fucked up... Claude is pretty fucked up! lol!
hopecutshort: he never done anything wrong
gargoylegrin: neither did you.
hopecutshort: yes i have, ive done plenty of things
gargoylegrin: things that were actually wrong, or things you just think are wrong.
hopecutshort: if i think theyre wrong then i obviously think ythey're actually wrong so how can i answer that?
gargoylegrin: well, no; stealing is wrong. having an argument because you're scared by something isn't wrong.
hopecutshort: every fight we've ever had i've started, im always the one to complicate things, always the one to be unsure, always the one that pulls away
hopecutshort: i'm always the one thats scared of something
hopecutshort: i'm like a 'crack addict' remeber? i think those we're his words?
gargoylegrin: do you take crack? O_O
hopecutshort: he was comparing
gargoylegrin: but he's managing with it? no one likes you taking the pills, but everyone understands why you do.
hopecutshort: i'm moving out
hopecutshort: i feel like i'm losing my boyfriend and then i felt like i lost my best friend....
hopecutshort: i just need to get out
gargoylegrin: .......well, i don't think you should, but i can't choose for you. :(
gargoylegrin: you havn't lost anyone.
gargoylegrin:: we're all still here.
hopecutshort: body and soul are different things
gargoylegrin:: can't explain? :(
hopecutshort: they may be by me but...idk
hopecutshort: and ...i almost feel like i'm cheating on zeo
hopecutshort: but im really not
hopecutshort: i just feel like i am
gargoylegrin: how come? you're not seeing anyone else
gargoylegrin: are you? :S
hopecutshort: but something happened
hopecutshort: i'm not techinically cheating on him ><
gargoylegrin: what happened?
gargoylegrin: (if you're talking about that guy again....)
hopecutshort: no, its not damio,n latho i have talked to him lately
gargoylegrin: hmph. well, you're good to give him the time of day.
hopecutshort: i try to be nice to ppl
hopecutshort: but thats not it anyway
gargoylegrin:: well...what is it....tell me to get lost, seriously, if you don't want to talk...
hopecutshort: im just confused
gargoylegrin: I think you should at least try to talk to zeo. i mean, it's between you and him really. but...i don't believe in giving up on a relationship without trying. specially not a good one.
hopecutshort: thats what everyones telling me
hopecutshort: is it cheating if you know someone that loves you and you still hang out with them?
gargoylegrin: of course not! you're just hanging out.
hopecutshort: but i feel bad
hopecutshort: for both of them
gargoylegrin: that's not your fault. but i know how you feel. i still feel a bit uncomfortable around oliver. because i know he likes Enrique. :S It'sd difficult even though he says he doesn't mind...it's not my...you know, fault, but I still feel bad.
gargoylegrin: but....you know.,...
hopecutshort: thats why i feel like i lost my best friend
gargoylegrin: ...it's not kane is it? >,<
gargoylegrin: ok....well....has this person actually come onto you? i mean....you're in a relationship...that's a bit naughty of them.
hopecutshort: (it is him...) but no he just told me he loves me...
gargoylegrin: ......yeah, that would be coming onto you, and not the greatest thing to have done....it's bad of him to put you in the middle and he shouldn't really have done that to you...:(
hopecutshort: he didnt mean to be mean...
gargoylegrin: it's cheeky tho....
gargoylegrin: cos it's put you in a very difficult position.
hopecutshort: but i just cant put the blame on him
gargoylegrin: :) i am not saying there is blame. it's one of those things.
hopecutshort: i feel like such a cold person :(
hopecutshort: i dont knwo..
hopecutshort: its like when i cry for no reason
hopecutshort: i have no idea why
gargoylegrin: you haven't lead him on.
gargoylegrin:: so....it's not coming from you.
gargoylegrin: it's not really anything to do with you.
hopecutshort: but its all ABOUT me and i have no control.
gargoylegrin: you do have control. you can decide what you want to do.
hopecutshort: BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT
gargoylegrin: you have to work it out, i think.
gargoylegrin: but i think...just be honest with all people concerned...
hopecutshort: i think...
hopecutshort: i'm just going to go away from that entirly.
gargoylegrin: from what?
gargoylegrin:: heh...sadly, it's not something you can escape from that easily. if you feel it, it's still going to be there.
hopecutshort: put my head under my pillow and lock the door
gargoylegrin: but you'll still feel it; do you like kane?
hopecutshort: i've always liked kane, i used to have a crush on him but pushed it away b/c i figured you not supposed to feel that way about your best friend
hopecutshort: and then i came here and zeo started liking me even while i was with damion
hopecutshort: and i was so depressed and zeo offered me comfort and i took it
gargoylegrin: ....hmmm.....it sounds to me like you need to have a serious think about who you like...don't be hasty, you know.....you can't afford to mess people about....but when you know what you need, then you have to do the right thing and be honest with them both.
gargoylegrin: *shrug* it's messy.
hopecutshort: i just want to keep to myself, i can live off just having friends...
hopecutshort: *headdesk again*
gargoylegrin: why not, the rest of us do. ;) we're social animals. :P
hopecutshort: i lived without being social for years
gargoylegrin: but you're not happy.
hopecutshort: im not happy now
hopecutshort: im happier when im minding my own business
gargoylegrin: you can't live in isolation; you'll go crazy. :(
hopecutshort: i disagree
gargoylegrin: well...i can't make you do anything. i just wish you were happier.
hopecutshort: i might be soon
hopecutshort: i bought some 'evil ' again
hopecutshort: couldnt help it
gargoylegrin: evil? like...resident evil?
hopecutshort: no...my 'evil' that comes in a bottle
gargoylegrin:: oh, sleeping tablets?
gargoylegrin: well, if you have to use them to sleep, it's better than having no sleep at all.
gargoylegrin: i am not crazy against them...though i wouldn't want to use them myself.
hopecutshort: if zeo finds them he'll have a fit.
hopecutshort: i'm going to have to take them when she's away
hopecutshort: which shouldnt be to hard ><
gargoylegrin: he'll be disappointed sure. but he's just upset really that you need them.
hopecutshort: i know but im past the point of caring
gargoylegrin: well...there's nothing really people can do for you if you always put up a wall, you know?
hopecutshort: its protection
gargoylegrin:: but you're shutting out the help as well.
hopecutshort: its something im willing to risk
gargoylegrin:: well.......there's nothing more i can really say, then,. huh? ....:(
hopecutshort: i'm also thinking about maybe moving back by my parents...
gargoylegrin: home? that'd be a shame.
hopecutshort: youre elling me
gargoylegrin: well....hun, I gotta go. we still going to the beach this weekend?
gargoylegrin: cool. well, i'll see you then, as we are keen on beach partying!
hopecutshort: *forced smile* okay
gargoylegrin: cool. okay, well i will see you then!